weight issue. Not so bad lah.
Aku tanya anak buah aku yang masih lagi tak mampu bercakap dengan betul walaupun dah berusia 2 tahun.
"Who do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A prime-motherfucking-minister!"
Dia tak jawab macam tulah. In my mind it was. Sebab dia tunjuk gambar PM dalam paper pakai jari hantu. Now. I was confused when he pointed at his picture. Who the fuck he really wanna be? The head of the government or a fat guy in a suit?
Aku ajar dia english sikit-sikit. Disebabkan dia tak boleh bertutur dengan betul, not that he has some sort of disability or shit, aku ajar dia bila orang sebut who atau siapa, tunjuk pakai jari indeks mana-mana individu. And that's what he did. He might not know what the fuck a prime minister is but he sure understand what's the word 'who' means.
Aku bersyukur tengok anak buah sulung aku menjadi sedikit berisi lewat ini. Dulu ya Tuhan, I pity him more than the Somalian refugees. Ubat cacing segala macam kakak aku tuang dalam mulut dia tapi tak ada kesan. Aku tak nak cakap banyak sebab ibu akan buat apa saja untuk jadikan anak dia sihat.
Atau dalam kata lain, berisi.
Aku nampak sebab sebenar anak buah aku kurus keding dulu. It's because his mother can't cook. Cacing tu biasalah. Semua orang makan pasir. I had sand burger when I was a kid tapi aku masih lagi seorang budak yang berisi dulu. It was 2 slice of bread, cheese and a patty made out of sand. After you wet em'. Mmm mmph, tasty motherfucker. Dan rangup.
The thing is, my mom was a great cook and still is. I ate like a motherfucker when I was a kid. She made eggs taste like steak and steak taste like steak. Kitorang tak adalah panggil steak, panggil daging lempap je. Daging masak asap occasionally.
Jadi melihat kondisi anak buah aku masa raya lepas, it got me thinking. What the fuck had happened? Dia curi-curi minum weight gainer protein aku ke? Pandai pula budak ni nak bancuh ikut sukatan without spilling the powder all over the fucking place. Dia diculik makhluk asing pada dinihari dan dihantar pulang sebelum Subuh selepas menjalani eksperimen conducted by the aliens? He ate a tub of fattening shit? What? What? Apo deh?
Aku dah kehabisan teori bagaimana dia boleh jadi berisi macam tu. Maka aku beralih kepada menyoal kak long aku.
"How the hell this happened?"
"Motherstankin' MSG brother."
"Figures."
Dia gunakan penambah perisa dalam makanan. Before this she went all natural cooking means only lada, bawang, serai, ketumbit ke ketumbar, benda yang ditanam dalam pasu. Dia sendiri tanam. Dia tak pernah guna benda bukan-bukan macam Maggi, Tumix, Aji Shio, apa cirit. Sebelum ni. Said it will somewhat damage the kids' brain. What with the chemical stuff mixed together with the natural stuff to make the product.
Made sense.
But then she had to use it since the kid won't eat. Dia makan tapi seto'et jelah. Dah tak sedap, ikut uncle dia. No wait, aku balun sedap tak sedap aku apa pedulik. Pinggan wajib licin. Aku percaya beras, fuck that, semua makanan ada bijik mata and they tend to use it wisely.
"Berapa banyak kau letak?"
"Sebeban."
"Mak aih."
Dia terpaksa gunakan benda-benda yang ada MSG dalam amaun yang banyak untuk membangkitkan aroma, menambah kesedapan rasa and make chicken taste like chicken. Ini semua sebab nak bagi anak dia berisi. Or else, the kid is going to have a dim future. He wants to be a prime minister and one of the requirement to be one is to have a gut. A big one that is. Dan kakak aku juga mula menerapkan nilai-nilai murni pemakanan kepada anak keduanya, a girl, agar kelak jika abangnya tak dapat jadi Perdana Menteri, she could be the First Lady. Shit, I won't get into trouble using that word am I? Jadi isu besar guna perkataan tu. Jadi isteri Perdana Menteri.
Apa-apa pun, aku gembira tengok anak buah aku sihat.
