Especially Malays. Pose threats here and there dan orang masih jalankan kehidupan harian mereka seperti biasa tanpa sedikit rasa intimidated. Michael, kawan baik aku, bukan mat saleh menerima SMS ugutan beberapa minggu yang lepas. He and his girlfriend. They both received SMSs that from what I read was something filled with blazing hatred and somewhat demonic. I couldn't understand shit cos' it's in Mandarin.
It took me about 2 hours to decipher the content of the SMSs and when just all hope about to be despaired, Ah Moi datang dan terjemahkan kepada aku. Ah Moi bukan nama sebenar. I've known her for almost 3 years now but still haven't learnt her real name. And she knows my full name plus my mom's and my gramps from both side. Holy shit, I think she secretly fantasizing about me while Michael sticking his johnson up her glory hole, I really hope so.
Si pengugut, aku letak nama dia P. P nak Michael dan Ah Moi break up. A few days later after the first SMS, Ah Moi terima lagi satu mesej. And that time, P really meant business. The SMS went something like this:
'Fuck u bitch, fucking around with some doggone pissant. It's gonna be a red dawn you no-good sorry excuse for a woman.'
Dan P kotakan janji dia. Rumah Ah Moi disimbah cat merah. Kereta Michael juga disimbah cat merah. At 5 in the morning.
Michael call aku untuk minta bantuan.
"Can help or not? If can come lah."
"Help to do what?"
"Talk to the five-o."
Tapi aku pergi jugalah. Kawan, plus Ah Moi was going to be there. Man, Ah Moi is so good, I rather make love to her than Beyonce. I think we've passed the sexual tension between us. I know she did.
I helped him to lodge a report at the station. Dari satu balai ke satu balai yang lain. The latter was the big one. Balai pertama tak layan kes macam ni sebab dah kira jenayah berat. Balai pertama is something I like to call, Balai IC. Hilang IC jumpa dia. Dalam kadar segera.
Kes dia dikendalikan oleh seorang inspektor muda. Great guy. So great that the first glance I knew he won't do shit for Michael. He hold a pen alright, to scratch his back. Notebook: coaster. As I was about to whoop his ass, Michael cakap, "Lai-lai. We go to swimming pool beside to talk and discuss this matter."
And we had our lunch sambil menonton Sport Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition versi bangku pemain. Talk about European women in bikinis. Mmm mmphh! Those bitches sure know how to rock a bikini.
Sedang Michael dan Ah Moi enak menjamu selera dan aku sibuk kesat air liur, telefon Ah Moi berbunyi. Mesej masuk.
'Bitch I warned you. Leave him to avoid further consequences but you ain't listen. Imma burn your shop.'
P menggunakan nombor yang sama sejak mesej pertama masuk ke inbox Ah Moi. Chances are, P is an idiot. How hard it is to track a phone number? Kinda hard actually. I learn that from several spy movies. Tapi susah tak nak track the owner of the number?
Sesusah ABC 123.
Tak dapat trace location tak apalah. Tapi identiti pemilik? The culprit, the master-lack-of-mind, the ignent fool, was that so hard to know who the fuck he was?
Some phone calls might solve the case before 5.
Mari guna logik. Setiap orang perlu daftar nombor telefon mereka di syarikat telekomunikasi. P guna lebih dari 2 minggu. Stolen identity was not the issue. Fikirkan sendiri kenapa. Best bet would be P was using his own number, yang maklumat tentang dia yakni nama penuh, nombor kad pengenalan dan alamat tersimpan dalam pangkalan data syarikat telekomunikasi tersebut.
(nota: perenggan ni got nothing to do with the story, saja nak nampak macam panjang entri)Famili Ah Moi mengendalikan kedai makan vegetarian. I can tell you this, she can cook. I always like, "Ah Moi, one more," bila berkunjung ke kedai dia. And her parents will always like, "Her name is Stephanie. Not Ah Moi. Here's some fried seaweed. It's on the house."
Aku juga tahu perbualan telefon kita semua direkodkan. SMS juga direkodkan. Oh come on, for the love of God!
If only we live in the world where most people are yellow. Ingat lagi Simpsons the Movie? Ketua EPA mengarahkan operator guna sebaik mungkin perkakas yang ada untuk menyemak semua perbualan. That's how Marge and the kids got their ass busted sebaik tiba di terminal. Disebabkan kecekapan pasukan operator menjalankan tugas.
I'm so sick of this. So sick that I don't want to finish this true story and just go to sleep instead. Fuck you and good night.