Aku tak tahu apa yang buatkan bendalah ni semua so addictive. I was once got my Gameboy stomped to pieces back in school by the warden. Orang tengah mentelaah masa prep malam, aku dok bantai main King of Fighters. He came from the back and snatched that shit from my hand, gimme the old stink eye and threw it on the floor.
Skrin terus retak masa dia hempas. Menggunakan berat badan beliau yang pada ketika itu aku anggarkan 90, no make it 110kg cos he's such a big motherfucker, dia mula memijak-mijak konsol paling aku sayang tanpa hati perut.
Dia bawa the debris, remaining, what's left ke bilik warden dan aku kejung tanpa sebutir kata for like 10 minutes dan lepas tu aku lari pergi tandas hisap rokok to kill the shivers. That console could've been me, dia boleh pijak aku sampai keluar taik hijau but he chose not to. Phew.
I tell you how addictive console games are, next week I came back to the school with a new Gameboy. With colors! Suck on that Mr. Big Man! Well, dia sedang melalui fasa roda berpusing recently. Series of shitty illness menyerang beliau sekarang and I couldn't be more happier and sorry at the same time.
Minggu lepas di majlis persandingan sepupu aku yang hadirin terdiri daripada I didn't know who the fuck they were, aku bersama kakak-kakak dan abang-abang ipar aku duduk semeja dan menjamah apa yang ada. The ceremony was grandeur but the food... Well the food was shitty. I bet if I gave the food to a group of stray cats, they'll chew my ass rather than eating those abominations. As you can see, my ass is fabulously juicy. I'm going to prove it to you by attaching a very nice pic of my behindus.
See? I shit you not. Well, that's not mine. Mine's like 17 times more awesome. That's a girl's ass. And if you happen to be a girl, your ass is supposed to like that. Now stop chewing those jajans and do some squat for God's sake.
Back to the wedding which one of the honor guest was that guy who punched Anwar. You know that guy. Yeah. And he came from the same bloodline as of mine which makes him my uncle. Suck on my unit!
I was bored out of my fucking mind. Apa benda aku nak buat. The acoustics were terrible, the hot chicks never got the be in the hall, other guests were stuck-up, my cousins can't stop asking me tips to lose weight, which brought me to this: how am I going to entertain myself?
Aku boleh lari ke tandas and rub an easy one out tapi aku pilih untuk simpan pemimpin masa depan in my nutsack sebab aku nampak ada beberapa potensi dalam crowd di luar dewan.
Aku nampak garfu. Aku boleh tikam mata abang ipar aku yang kejap-kejap, "Look at that piece of badonk-kadonk. Tell me you'll tap that. I know I will." sambil menyiku aku. Aku toleh ke bahagian lain meja. Aku nampak anak buah aku yang baru berusia 5 bulan. She seems cute.
"OMFG! Did she just laughed at me? Aww that's adorable. Gimme that!"
I played with her. Make funny faces, weird sounds. Fart sounds. Tickle her love handles. Pretend to eat her feet. She giggled and tenenenet-tenetttt! 2 jam berlalu.
Masa berlalu begitu pantas. Dalam perjalanan pulang I can't help myself but to think we all should stop playing with console games. PC games. Board games. Twister. Games nonetheless.
And start making babies.
Stop making the richer and powerful more richer and powerful. Give a chance to those baru mahu bertapak in minuman tenaga dan produk kebatinan. Minuman tangkal tok guru, Mas Cotek, Tongkat Tawil, minyak...aaa...minyak parasit sawah, what have you.