Sexy Thang.

Aku suka tengok kaki perempuan. It's a fetish that I'm not ashamed of. Yang berbalut atau tidak, kedua-duanya memberikan sensasi luar biasa ke phallus aku. Tapi malang, tak banyak pasang kaki perempuan di sini yang boleh aku gunakan untuk dibayangkan setiap kali upacara penyingkiran gen buruk dilakukan.

Women of all nature have this tendency to show off their goods tanpa mengambil kira perasaan orang lain. If their goodness is the shit, lain ceritalah. I'm still talking about legs. Not chest hams. Yang bergetar, yang berselulit, yang ughhh, mempunyai koleksi syiling, apa dah tak ada malu lagi dah?

Diwajibkan menutup aurat bersebab. And one of the reason is this, to cover up what you've done fucked up. Semalam di emporium, aku berjalan dari kedai ke kedai untuk mencari jeans. Aku ter-lock-on pada sepasang kaki yang putih mulus dan bersih dari segala cela, lemak, selulit, what have you. All waxed and shit. The real deal. Stuff you read in the Pimp's Bible. Aku mengekori dia lantas jeans ke mana, apa entah ke mana. Before I knew it, I followed her to the ladies room.

Dalam hiruk pikuk jeritan wanita di dalam tandas, aku sempat cakap pada pemilik that sexy thang, "I'd like to pour honey all over your legs and lick it like a hungry bear." Dia lempang aku. And everything went back to normal.

I didn't feel a thing. Darah aku semua dah turun ke organ reproduktif. My hormone gland was on overdrive. I couldn't get the image of her sexy legs out of my head. As I was about to run off to the nearest men's room to rub one out which happened to be right next to the toilet that woman went into, I ran into her, again.

Dia tengok aku atas bawah.

"I'd like to do the same thing you said but with candles and ropes."

Well, fuck them jeans. I'll always wear my shorts. The shorter the better.

Thank God for my both vascular and muscular legs. Can't get these by cycling like a moron.

Oh.

Bos aku tanya, "You datang kerja tak Isnin ni?"

Aku jawab, "Yeah, why you ask?"

And he didn't answer me. Dia cuma berikan aku satu senyuman. Not much of a smile, more like tersengih macam muka minta penumbuk. I did actually punch him in the face. Hard.

Selepas situasi kembali terkawal, aku tanya semula.

"This time, answer me verbally. Don't give me some questionable expression and hoping that I will get it cos honestly, I have no fucking idea."

Dengan terketar-ketar ketakutan dia menjawab, "It's the 14th of February." And he stopped there.

Aku naik angin, betul-betul naik angin. Aku tumbuk meja. Aku ada banyak kerja nak buat. Tak ada masa nak main teka teki. I got 10 reports to submit and some other bullshit I had to focus on. Dan jika tak siap, dia adalah orang yang akan maki aku. Aku tak suka kena maki sebab bila aku kena maki, aku akan pukul siapa yang maki aku. Tiada kenal darjat hatta status penumbuk ku ini.

Khuatir dicederakan dengan lebih teruk, akhirnya dia berterus terang.

"It's Valentine's."

"Come again?"

"Valentine's Day. Please don't hurt me."

"Oh. What about it?"

Dan dia mula menerangkan kenapa Valentine's Day sangat significant untuk orang macam aku.

"Seriously boss, I don't give a fuck. If I want love, I'll pay for it."

"Idiot. That ain't love. That's making love. And you don't make love to a woman you paid. That's just plain old business. That's fucking business."

"Well, it seems like we're not on the same page here. Did you ever give anything to your wife? It can be anything. Cash, present, holiday, etc."

"I did and still do. As a matter of fact, I just gave her some cash last night. She wanted to buy a new handbag dan dia menolak jika I yang belikan handbag untuk dia."

"And in return?"

"I get to fuck. I mean I get to make love with my wife."

"Gotcha! With that, I rest my case."

"Holy shit Zafwan! You're like the Dalai Lama of love. Love making. Fucking. What ever the fuck that is."